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Road Runner Slaughtered
August 22, 2000

(St. George, UT) - A Georgetown student, Christiaan DeLuigi, single handedly achieved the lofty goal that Wile E. Coyote was never able to achieve.  Even without the aide of Acme products or a strategically placed anvil, Christiaan DeLuigi used only a rented car to run over a roadrunner.
“We were driving on this long strip of dessert road where the speed limit  was 75 MPH.  My brother was going about 100 MPH, and we saw this long and skinny chicken-like animal run across the road.  We couldn't stop, so that road runner died,” the passenger in the blood thirsty vehicle, Humberto DeLuigi, said.

In his brother's defense, “He felt really bad though,” Humberto DeLuigi said, "he really didn't say much about it afterwards."

The murderer was next seen on the roads of Las Vegas, but a softer image was displayed.  In the middle of a congested road, Christiaan DeLuigi permitted two young and attractive Asian females to cut in front of him after each polite request.

"This one girl rolled down her window, knocked on his, and asked if she could cut in front of him.  He gave her the okay, and not too long after her, another one did the same exact thing," Humberto DeLuigi said.

According to Christiaan DeLuigi's past experiences, one can reason that he had absorbed the karma of Pepe La Pew.  He had killed an innocent skunk in the pristine suburbs of New Jersey prior to this killing in the West.